1. |
The Death Ray
03:15
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i can sense the defeat
but i will try and try
i seek a hollow release
but i don't know why
i'm losing touch
my mirror's fogging up
well
it's the same damn song
and i can't prove me wrong
i can't go on
i must go on
i've lost my feelings
my words will float off freely
i know it's disappointing
you've lost faith in me
i can't go on
i'll toughen slowly
even when you can't stand
thinking of me
i can't go on
i must go on
i'll pick those fragments off the ground
i'll pocket your laughter's echoes and sounds
i'll take that dead weight off my back
and i'll get back on track
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2. |
Get Lucid!
05:06
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woke up w/your fingers in my mouth
you know it's all i think about
the sweetest taste i ever found
i wonder if you see your dad in dreams
it's his heartbeat that you keep
in between anxieties
and i'm content to sink into the gaps between your teeth
and i've seen the pictures time and time and time and time again
again
things were different back then
things were different back then
it's my cold reflection
and i am refracted
i'm stretching and scratching
and since i dropped acid now
not that much has changed
a beat up copy of the little prince
you say 'i think i've heard of this'
in between tears
was where you disappeared
there's a hole
where a rose is supposed to go
there's a hole
i still find things to blame on you
might as well be screaming in an empty room
it's so strange
to think that you had changed
while i
was standing
still
every single part of me that's not you
will separate entirely what time won't heal
and it keeps getting better
you know we've seen harsher weather
yeah, the past is losing all of its appeal
every time i look at you
it's unreal
with your frozen bedroom laughter
trapped on camera's reel and
i will keep returning
until this thing ceases hurting
i fell asleep with you behind the wheel
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3. |
Attempt No. 3
05:21
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this is your third attempt
you wanna slide down my bottle neck
you say it's not even sadness
it's something much deeper
than cake flavored vodka
on a king's crossing weekend
you know i can't fix your problems
i know nothing to solve them
and i nearly dropped out twice
yeah, i'm not quite the smartest
but i know about sinking
you cling to your mattress cause
you're not sleeping much anymore
this isn't the last time is it james
we're stuck in the cycle and we will remain
white walls that bend towards the center
and you're still working retail
you know i think that's the problem
you're never gonna stop it
and you don't want to change
you say 'there's no more lightness
at the bottom of your being'
you're sick of looking and never seeing
i loved you like
lights that keep burning out
and my heart
was the satellite
in the orbit of your house
and you reached out
with both hands
and pulled me back down
to earth
i don't want to swim forever
or give in to endless summer and
i just sat there, watched you stand there
sat up, stand up, float it all away
float it all away
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4. |
FCT
05:17
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i pushed through the skin of my back and left myself to drown in a lake bed, in new jersey of all places. nice try but it'll take more than that to kill the old ways the habits and circumstances, the cigarettes you're slipping out of your jacket. it was the three of us up in the attic, while the connecticut hardcore bands made the meaning underneath
everything.
your stars are blinking out
one by one they fade in
the indent in your couch that's widening
you're smoking twice as much
those clouds creating an atmosphere that you can deal with
a smoke screen veil that alters the image
the space between two trucks we've passed
is closing up
in the wind and the storm on the way
back from connecticut
the way the rain pummeled on your car
you'd think we were underwater
and i wish i was
i wish i was
where are your friends tonight?
where are your friends tonight?
repeated from a speaker
the meaning's much deeper than
you care to imply
where are your friends tonight?
where are your friends tonight?
the gas station attendant
ponders so clearly
it's almost impolite
but not quite.
i concede that you were right
cut up blunts on table tops and
barking dogs in parking lots i can see
why you'd wanna leave here
it is clear that life worth leading
is out of the basement the fog that's created by those friends
who've got the signal but can't quite cross
cause they're in a loop of the past three days
a continuum repeated
ad nauseum
the ones who can't get traction in the frost
so you packed up your shit
your medication
and hung around
the record store waiting
for the last time
in a long time
if saying goodbye was this easy
then why hadn't you thought of leaving
in the first place
where are your friends tonight?
where are your friends tonight?
if i could see all my friends tonight.
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5. |
Witch Toucher
05:13
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if i was a witch toucher
an ancient ward of unknown power
i'd probably never even touch her i'd just
see her in dreams
if i lived in a cave atop dead cop mountain
and i drank the wine out the base of my enemies' skulls
if i shot lightning and owned a set of wizardly cloaks
i'd prolly never even look at her, or call her on the phone
and if i ever got to speak to her i'd tell her what she needed to hear
i'd say i don't know what your looking for
the one who's gonna love you most is here
if i went back in time
if i unrolled all those twelve sided die
i would spend much less of my time day dream dramaticizing
if i could resurrect dead
say what i shoulda said
if i got out of my head
i know you think it's kinda funny
like it's one big joke
but i'm the only eager actor
in your life's show
you told me to break a leg
instead i got a compound fracture
the stagelight hits my hollow bones and
i become a shadow caster
and if i woke up next to you
i'd know that's where i needed to be
i'd whisper to your sleeping ear
and hope my voice would carry in your dreams
if i went back in time
if i unrolled all those twelve sided die
i would spend much less of my time
day dream dramaticizing
But you are mine only half the time
the other half i'm wide awake
and i will mince my words so bad you'll think it misanthropic
is it just me
or am i a creep?
it's only adhd baby it's not serious
as when you used to cut your wrists
the shit i'd tell my therapist
so you're not taking any risks
you know that i am an abyss
that will keep pulling you back in
until there's nothing left
grant me courage to accept
and the knowledge to tell when
i'm dancing with anxiety
and drinking to forget
you
if i was a witch toucher
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6. |
Be Good
06:01
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i just want to wish you well
i can see your house from
the grass in my backyard
the space between stars
becomes your absence
from where you are
i look like an anthill
and you're not wrong
you never were
you laughed so loud that it's absurd
heartily
such a relief
i miss that sound so bad it hurts
i just need to be good
but i can see my faults from
the back of your bedroom
my evil deeds
all my deceits
i wear your scarf like a crown of thorns
but i know deep down
in the darkest caverns of your anger
there's a spot for me
that's where i'll be
and that lightless space where once two anchors tied together
will never be empty, on me. on me.
i just need to get some help
i can feel my brain slowly
turning against me
that halting screech
of impending defeat
and now i hold the weight of your memory
i just need to be good
this one time
i just need to be good
why can't I?
in a desperate bid for identity
you cut your hair and dyed it aquamarine
as if that would change your feelings
or make you any more or less
a human being
and it's hard to be alive
when those you love are dead and dying
it's the painful ache of time
mulitplied
by the futility of crying
please stop crying now
i love you
even though you're crying now
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7. |
My Friend Frida Kahlo
06:27
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now that my comic book years are done
i'm only getting drunk on the weekends
no more special six issue mini-series runs
i'm only spendin money on reasons to wake up
i'm sick of indie films,
and i'm sick of floral skirts,
i'm sick of faux malaise
wanna give a shit about anything else
than what she'd like
i'm sick of losing common ground
bury my nights
cause i'm worn out
i'm worn out and i
can't be bothered
i'm done treading water
and i'll sink to the bottom of the bottle
with my problems
i'm gonna work on them for you
i don't deserve it, it's true
i spent all summer pacing back and forth
tryna stake a claim on your heart's porch
the same day i watched you graduate
i found you cryin by the tennis courts
so what's the point of staying grounded for,
if i'll never feel it like i did before?
when grief is something that you calculate, oh god
i'll let it spill from every pore
i'm worn out and i
can't be bothered
i'm done treading water
and i'll sink to the bottom of the bottle
with my problems
i'm gonna work on them for you
i don't deserve it, it's true
it was that pain to which you could relate
when it was us against the human race
and the only times i really felt in love
were the points at which we'd separate
it's the same dream that i have every night,
of the apparatus gleaming bright
with a single push i could disintegrate
every living thing in sight
so i'll point the death ray up
and aim it at the sun
goodnight to planet earth
goodnight to everyone
this time i won't wake up
now that my comic book years are done
i'm only getting drunk when i need it
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Little Arcana Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Little Arcana is a smooth vanilla ice cream with a slight buttery flavor, with pecans added; manufactured by many major ice cream brands.
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